Some decades ago, we had in the Brazilian press a phenomenon called “Amor Brasileiro.”
Brazilian Love.
It was due to many international celebrities having Brazilian partners.
- Gisele Bündchen and (only until Gisele turned 25) Leo DiCaprio.
- Matthew McCounaghey and Camila Alves.
- Stephen and Kennya Baldwin (née Deodato).
The list is long.
And it’s no secret that one of the biggest motivators for someone to learn Portuguese is if their significant other speaks Portuguese.
Well, many of my students have that motivation.
But okay, okay, I’m talking about “Brazilian love” and all, but all love must start somewhere, right?
All relationships must start with a date. And today, we’re talking about Brazilian dating culture for the uninitiated.
Of course, if you have any experience that is relevant to the topic, share it with us 🙂
If not, read on and discover the ins and outs of the Brazilian dating culture.
Brazilian dating: an overview
In Brazil, dating is seen as a way to get to know someone and explore the possibility of a relationship. However, it’s not as straightforward as it may seem.
Brazilian culture is very family-oriented; family approval is significant in a relationship.
Additionally, Brazilian dating culture can vary depending on the region of the country.
In the South, people tend to be more reserved and conservative, while in the Northeast, people are more open and expressive.
Dating… in Brazil and in America
When it comes to dating, Brazilian and American cultures have some significant differences.
Those differences lie primarily in three fields:
- Dating preferences (group or one-on-one)
- Showing affection
- Gender roles
We will explore them one by one.
Let’s go on a group date?
If your idea of a perfect date is when you and your significant other are by yourselves, well, forget that.
In Brazil, we tend to go out on double dates or even group dates.
We could argue that this is so because most Brazilians are very affectionate and like to be with their friends.
And that would be true.
But even research shows there are benefits to going out on a date and taking your friends along with you — Provided that they are also dating.
There is even a book about it: Two Plus Two: Couples and Their Couple Friendships. This is an affiliate link – if you decide to purchase this book through this link, I may receive a small commission. This is how I keep this website 😊
Showing affection
Another difference is that Brazilians tend to be more affectionate and touchy-feely than Americans.
It’s not uncommon for couples to hold hands, hug, and kiss in public in Brazil. This is because physical touch is seen as a way of expressing love and affection.
In America, however, public displays of affection are generally more reserved.
I can’t say anything from personal experience because I have never dated anyone from America. Still, from what I can observe, most of them are not comfortable at first with displaying affection in public.
Who pays for the dinner?
Regarding gender roles, Brazilian dating culture tends to be more traditional than American dating culture.
Men are expected to take the lead in initiating dates and paying for them.
Women are expected to be feminine and nurturing, and they often play hard-to-get to test a man’s interest.
One more thing about gender roles and family approval…
If you want to date a woman from Brazil, having their parents approve of your relationship is important.
It might not be a deal breaker depending on where the woman is from. For example, people from big cities like Sao Paulo do not really care much about family approval.
But if your significant other is from a small town, you’ll probably have to be approved by her family.
It’s not very important the other way around – if you’re dating a man, it doesn’t matter much whether their family approves of the relationship. But you will probably want to be at least liked by his mother.
Children — especially male children — tend to have a very good relationship with their mothers. And their mother will be a significant source of influence in their lives.
All of that is changing with newer generations, of course.
Importance of Language and Communication
One of the most important aspects of dating in Brazil is language and communication.
First, I would like to warn you: Don’t believe official statistics that 5% of Brazilians speak English.
That ain’t true.
Official statistics tend to be inflated. If someone can say good morning, they count that as speaking English. So don’t believe that most people will speak English to you.
And one big reason you will want to learn Portuguese is…
It’s important to be able to communicate effectively to build a strong connection with someone.
If you have watched 90 Day Fiancee (the video I linked above) you will probably have seen Paul and Karine. Although they are still married, they had many problems at the beginning of their relationship.
When Paul met Karina’s parents, they couldn’t communicate. And most of the time when Karine and Paul had a “DR” (discussão do relacionamento, a critical discussion about your relationship in Portuguese) they were hindered by the fact that they couldn’t speak each other ‘s languages.
They had a translator to go around on their cell phone, but this didn’t really help much. And if you’re counting on having a date with a Brazilian by using a translator on your cell phone, more people get divorced (anecdotally, from personal observation) than get together and stay together by using this.
First date impressions and etiquette
First impressions are important in Brazilian dating culture.
Dressing well and being punctual are signs of respect and consideration.
Brazilians are proverbially known for being late. If you show up on time, that would be a great sign of consideration and respect.
It’s also important to be polite and engaging and to ask questions about the other person to show genuine interest.
Additionally, physical touch, such as hugging and kissing on the cheek, is common in Brazil and can show affection and intimacy.
Overall, don’t be a jerk when you date someone. No matter where this person comes from.
Family and friends influence a lot when it comes to dating a Brazilian
As mentioned earlier, family approval is important in Brazilian dating culture.
My sister had a tough time in her teens. She has always been independent, but my family is very traditional. So, whenever she would go on a date with a guy from the neighborhood, my parents demanded that she bring the guy for them to meet.
My mother tended to be less accepting than my father. And my father openly hated most of my sister’s boyfriends.
If that’s the case with Brazilians, imagine if the family’s very traditional and their child meets someone from another country.
What thoughts will course through their minds?
This person wants to take our child from us!
This person wants to take my children to another country and we will never see them again!
What if this happens?
So if you want to date a Brazilian and you know that their parents and friends mean a great deal to them, you should try to make friends with their family.
Even if you think their family is inconvenient, show them you’ve come in peace. As we say in Brazil, it will not kill you.
At least, I hope so.
How about the cultural differences?
When dating in a foreign country, it’s important to be mindful of cultural differences.
What may be acceptable in American dating culture may not be acceptable in Brazilian dating culture.
I can’t possibly list all the significant differences between American and Brazilian dating cultures. It would take a very long book. In general, be respectful, don’t be a jerk, and be open-minded.
Dos and don’ts of Brazilian dating
To wrap up, here are some dos and don’ts of Brazilian dating:
Dos:
- Learn Portuguese and communicate effectively
- Be patient and understanding, as Brazilian dating culture may be different from what you’re used to
- Show interest in the other person’s life and culture
- Embrace romance and express affection
- Respect family and friend influence
Don’ts:
- Assume that Brazilian dating culture is the same as American dating culture
- Be disrespectful or dismissive of the other person’s values and beliefs
- Be too aggressive or pushy
- Ignore the importance of family and friend influence
Assume that all Brazilians are the same or fit into stereotypes
If that’s why you’re here…
Dating a Brazilian might be the reason you are here in this article.
If that’s the case, I wish you all the best.
It might be the experience of a lifetime to date someone from a different culture and get to know them more as they get to know you more.
Even though I offer some guidelines and information about Brazilian dating culture, don’t let that keep you from showing who you truly are.
After all, the relationship is yours. The person you’re dating should be as invested in the relationship and getting to know you as you are in getting to know them.
And if you feel comfortable sharing your story, please do so in the comments below. I’ll be glad to read all the comments.